"Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread roots into the very depth of your heart. Confess to yourself you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

Monday, December 28, 2009

Dark Chocolate makes my tongue melt. In the good Way.

Like a good, robust red wine. Mmm...

While the roommate is in the bathroom making out with her new TWA (teeny weeny afro), I thought I might do a little bit o' writing over here.

So I'm submitting 3 pieces to the Story Week Reader, all precise prose pieces under 750 words. I wrote drafts of all of them last night, and the deadline is New Year's Eve. I know, I know. But give me a break! I needed to recharge my literary Mojo. Now I'm raring to go, belly full of stories I've finished reading, and a cup overflowing with ideas for my rewrites and new "babies."

Speaking of which, I just finished "The Bell Jar." WHY DID I NOT READ THIS BEFORE? I really liked it. It's right up my alley--confused college aged girl not knowing what to do with her life and/or coping with grief and the pressure to be perfect, goes to nuthouse and gets better. Probably why I love "Girl, Interrupted" so much. (*note to self: Read that one too.)

A PenPusher thought:
Writers are always told to write what they know, right? Well, I want to know just about everything. I want to become a Private Investigator not just because I think it's cool to, well, investigate things, but also because I want to be able to use it one day in my writing. The same goes for sky diving, bungee jumping, stripping, having sex with a fat man, breaking an arm or leg or wrist, being committed, going on a road trip, being arrested, getting into a fight, eating a worm, drinking absinthe...you get what I'm saying.

Some of the things I do (including right now, Goddess help me) aren't the smartest, but it's something else I can write about. For that reason, I believe my language will be well-rounded, evoking through the pages a life well lived, a life worth living. I never was a fan of the stereotype of the writer that holes him/herself up day after day, trying to write some great novel but coming to nothing but numerous dead ends because they have nothing to write about.

The imagination, I believe, is fueled by life. If you've experienced nothing, what could possibly come out of that skull of yours? It starts somewhere; it starts with you, fellow writer/visionary of some other form, having an experience, be it good, bad, ugly, beautiful, terrifying or hilarious. I've had all of these. And I get to write about them. Top that.* Please?

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

P.S: I'll be posting some of the things I've written in class as well as the Flash Fiction I'm submitting in the next few days. Lemme make it pretty fo ya first.

*WARNING: Pusher. of. Pens. does not condone the heavy use of drugs or other harmful substances (when ingested in large amounts), nor does she agree with stunts/acts that could Fucking Kill You. Pusher. Of. Pens. does not like real death. Just the pretty, melancholy, poetic symbolic kind of death that she writes about often.*

Friday, December 18, 2009

So now that I'm (seriously) willing to call myself a writer...

I will post my Final Assignment from my Fiction 1 class. But first, some updates:

I'm done with the semester as of 12:36 pm today.

I go back to MI on the 20th, and have to leave ON the 25th to catch a 6:30 (pm) bus back here. Thanks, Club Monaco, for ruining my Holiday. Mom and Dad are pissed, too.

I have more than 30 days to get back to my normal level of (in)sanity, during which time I plan on reading 3 (or 4) books, writing/rewriting (and finishing) some stories, making awesome music, making money, and sleeping. And maybe even eating.

I can't FUCKING wait.

I'm so excited, I don't even want to make this sound pithy and shit. The normally scheduled writing genius will resume tomorrow.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Stream of thoughts

I've got an idea for something I'd like to publish...

A collection of thoughts/memories/wishes, published into a book. Memoirs? Partially. Fiction? Mostly. Creative Nonfiction might be pushing it...

But I think this is what I want to do. As for when and how, well... just let me get it out on paper first.

I'm not sure if I feel like a Fiction Writing major yet. What is that? What does that mean? All I have to show for it so far are a bunch of assignments that are about 4-5 (or more) pages long on some random idea flying out of my head. Nothing finished. Nothing revised, peer reviewed. Nobody is telling me about my weaknesses, my strengths. People just remember things in the semi circle. Not that I expect these people to tell me what to do...we're all in the same position.

But I DO feel like a writer. I always have. THIS is what a writer looks like, THIS is what a writer does. I'm sitting here in a green face mask that keeps me from smiling all the way, surrounded by books, notebooks, journals, post-its (it's an obsession) and a pen. And I write in them simultaneously. Is that not a writer? I stay up until 4 or 5am, reading, writing, and learning about famous (and not so famous) authors, or random info that could help with my story-telling. Is that not a writer? I zone out in the middle of the street because I've realized what to do with one of my characters... I practically pull my hair out when I can't get down a single cohesive thought. Is that not a writer?

I linger on the simplest of words, the most complex words. I play with visualizations in my head, and attempt to turn it into something you can see right with me. I spit out all of my thoughts, but eat most of them. I eat everyone else's as well. I make no sense, but usually I do. My logic will never be your logic, and your creativity will fly past my head at times, but see, we've all got something to express.

And when I get to a point where I stop making sense (even to myself), I pick up a book and read. I read until all of it makes sense again, and I'm ready to give it another try.

This is one of those blogs where you just close the browser window and nod. And then you move on with your life.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

She's finally yawning...

This is the second week in which my sleep pattern has been drastically shifted.

Nothing worries me, I have no big assignment to finish (yet), so I assume it's by the lack of daily tasks with time deadlines. All I know is my mind keeps running on high with thoughts, faster than it ever has before. I actually function better by the time darkness falls.

This will be about the 9th or 10th consecutive day in which sleep does not behold me until daylight peeks through the slits between the blinds...between 5:30 and 7. Almost as if I'm not allowed to sleep before then. When I see the light, I automatically become tired. It seems I've switched to a Nocturnal cycle (if only temporarily), or I'm slowly becoming a vampire (if only in my wildest dreams).

Do you know what it's like to be stuck in yesterday, today and tomorrow at the same time? Well, I do, now. It IS, in fact, possible.

So my day usually starts around 1:30 pm. And while I know I should feel like a lazy bum, I seem to sleep so damn well! I wake up in the best moods. Oh, if my days could stay like this when school starts...

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~


Sunday, August 9, 2009

Windy City Enlightenment Part 3

Here I am, older, wiser, a tad more furnished...

I have my things thanks to the Loving Parentals who drove all of my stuff up here (they just wanted an excuse to leave Michigan), bought me a bed for my birthday, then proceeded to test it out the night before they had to leave...

Once they left it was time to get the ball rolling.

Lesson Two:
a)-It's a new city, It's a new apartment, I have a new outlook on life...and with that, a new color scheme. Gone away are the typical blues and oranges and spritely stripes and polka dots. In with the darker, the deeper, the sensual...black, deep reds and burgundies, and hints of gold. Try something new, different. Think about who you are, and what reflects your style, your personal views, your soul...

b)-Dammit, kids, make a list of what you need to buy to get your place started. Don't forget the food. And then check off EVERYTHING on that list. And seriously, don't forget the food. I spent almost $400 at Satan's Playhouse (**Wal-Mart) to get me started, and never bought groceries. That was a hungry night, my friends, as I played with my comforters and built/organized my desks and shelves.
**Side note: Do not be alarmed if you ask an employee a question and they seem to back away in horror. It's only because in truth, they were captured and forced to work there against their own will.**

c)-Try not to be offended when a compliment goes horribly wrong. For example: I am very enthusiastic about building things/putting things together. And so, with said enthusiasm, I put together two desks, two chairs, two lamps and two bookshelves within 18 hours (with a little assistance from Darling Roomie). In awe of my innate ability to follow directions and screw things into holes, Darling Roomie exclaims,

"Dude! You're like a man...with boobs! It's amazing!"

(insert giant anime head with sweatdrop here) -_-'

I must say, having initially felt incredibly empowered by my lack of necessity for a "man's hand", I was immediately knocked down to the size of a mouse by being likened to the sex I thought I had no need for.

In this instance, I could have gone off on a feminist rampage about how women can never get away from men--if they don't need one, they must BE one, and so on--but I knew that she was just surprised at my skill with a screwdriver and hammer.

d)-When you're done setting up, don't sit around the apartment looking at your shit...GO OUT! It's a big place, kiddos, and not everything is "right around the corner". Experience life (remember that?).

So far I've been to the Museum of Contemporary Art, 4 nightclubs, a Farmers Market, a ton of restaurants, a handful of coffee shops, 1 music venue, Lollapalooza, Water Tower, and I'm discovering new places everyday. And they don't ALL cost money (Actually, Lolla was free for me by way of MIRACLE, I'm thinking). Look for cheap nights on the town. Get all the local weekly papers, grab all the flyers that tickle your fancy, and get some culture!

Now's the time to take control of your life. I suggest you do it.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Friday, August 7, 2009

Journey to the Center of ME

I lay on the ground, face down, feeling the cold Earth against my sunken cheek. The flesh was beginning to fall from my bones, no longer necessary in my own forthcoming death.

Taking a deep breath, I try to capture something besides the scent of dirt--no, I must go farther down...about six feet.

A faint hint of what I once was, of what I was going to become.

She's down there, dormant, motionless. Paralyzed.

The smell makes me dizzy with memories; memories of when I wasn't so afraid to express. Memories of when every idea in my head fell out onto paper so that I would never forget.

A tear falls from my eye...regret for the lost thoughts, the lost memories, the lost "Me".

Slowly, I take a finger and begin to burrow a small hole in the ground. A short hiss of air emits from the hole as if under pressure, and I breathe it in, hoping.

It was the scent of life.

I know that smell anywhere. She was still alive. I imagined her eyes wide open, patiently awaiting my return. I sat up, and began to dig with both hands, frantic. I wasn't sure how much time I had left, but I'd be damned if I spent another moment slowly deteriorating in this shell. I needed her, I needed her to fill me out, to give me color, to make me feel...whole.

As I dig deeper and deeper, it comes back to me--the ideas, the stories, the daydreams, the hopes. I am so close, so close. And even though the ground seems even harder to move, I Will keep Going. There's dirt in my hair, my nails, my mouth, between my toes. I'm beginning to feel sluggish, tired from the effort. But NOTHING will stop me. NOBODY will stop me.

Just a little bit farther. I can feel her getting closer to my hands. Just a little bit deeper, and she can breathe again...

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Windy City Enlightenment...Part Two

I had money when I got into town, I swear...

Where the hell did it go? *Looks around, checks wallet*

*sigh* It's my birthday and I'm broke, with no furniture. 

But damn, this city is pretty...

It's amazing the things you tell yourself you're capable of when you realize that things won't turn out the way you had planned it perfectly in your head. 

Here is Lesson One in my Windy City Enlightenment series:
~If you move to a city with no job and a "delayed" monetary cushion, act as if you have no money. And when you receive said cushion, keep acting that way. Chicago is expensive. And it eats up your money by attracting you with delicious pizzas and sandwiches and 7-day bus passes (that get lost) and bar-hopping to see Shane from 'The Real World'.

~That being said, don't treat the job search as if you have your pick of the litter. This is a big city, and there are tons of people who think they're perfect for the job you're applying for. So apply everywhere, apply often. And if you think you're "too good" for a job, chances are, you're not. So apply anyway. It'll probably get you out of a quick jam. 

Thus ends this episode of "Windy City Enlightenment". Tune in next time when we discuss...something else that hopefully has absolutely nothing to do with money.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I Call this 'Hell Week'

It starts on the 21st and ends on the 26th, or 27th. Depends on the year. 

I woke up this morning in panic, haunted by a dream that seems all too familiar and prophetic.  It is soon followed by frantic texts to certain people, making sure they're okay. If I call, I'll cry. Hell, if I text, I cry. 

I remembered it's her birthday. She would have been 31 today.  I think back to our phone conversation that night...that year: Laughing, talking about her ability to hold tequila, driving around..

It's also my parents' anniversary today. But I can't bring myself to press the call button. 

The next day is the 23rd. My birthday. I'll be 23. Should I make a wish? No, I'll be too lost in my thoughts of our last phone call that night...that year: She wishes me happy birthday, we talk of my coming back home. She agrees to pick me up that weekend herself. 

Maybe this year Chicago will distract me out of my birthday funk. 

Then it's the 25th. I recall having trouble sleeping that night...that year. It carries on into the early morning of the 26th. I felt odd...I wanted to call her. I had a dream with my dad and I in the living room. We were sad...he hugged me, and I knew someone had died. I thought it was him. 

The 26th. The worst of them all. The ill-fated call that morning 4 years ago, rousing me out of my sleep with a jump. My heartbeat racing, tears coming to my eyes before I could even answer the phone. 

"Tyrie's dead! He killed her!" I hear the broken voice of the strongest man I ever knew on the other line...sobbing.

"What?" was all I could muster. 

I said it over and over and over again, in disbelief. I screamed at the top of my lungs, literally watching the world crumble around me. I was hysterical. I knew I was going to die.  And part of me did. 

Not my sister, not Tyrie. Not my best friend. Not the only one I told everything to. Not the one who promised we would grow old together. Not that one. It was impossible. Our connection was too strong. But I already knew it. I knew it the night before. I knew it a month before. I knew I wouldn't get to have her for that long. I knew from the beginning. 

Like I said, 'Hell Week'.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Windy City Enlightenment...Part One

The lease has been signed, the keys in my hand, utilities on (almost), and I'm still here. Tying up loose ends, making some extra cash, saying my goodbyes. 

The roomie (Bri) is already there setting up her stuff, keeping busy breaking in the appliances and plumbing, I'm sure. 

My last day in this beautifully decrepit increasingly suicidal state: July 17. 

So everyone has a chance to say bye, cuz, you know, I'm not gonna be as accessible. (If that changes up your routine, I do not apologize)

New chapter, new people, new lessons. This is what I hope to find in Chicago.

Wish me luck? It's a long time coming, and I sure could use a little...

Windy City Enlightenment.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Maybe it's hormones...

I'm contemplating reopening the dungeon door that keeps the more melancholy side of me safely hidden and subdued. It has awakened and is softly tapping on the cold steel, knowing only I would hear it.
The rhythmic rapping seduces me...I am unfamiliar to it at first, but begin to remember as the sound crescendoes, increasing in pace...
Wanting to ignore it, I plug my ears, but to no avail. Because it is inside of me.  The tapping becomes deafening, resonating in my chest, my loins, my feet.  I am hypnotized as a I walk to the dungeon door, slowly turning the deadbolt...

It is inside of me, all around me, it is me. I AM melancholy. Melancholy is me.  We embrace, we kiss, we make love, we become one.

It/she allow(s) me to embrace the ugly, the decadent, the lousy, the uncomfortable, the bad, the seemingly evil...allowing me balance.  Melancholy allows me to see beauty in everything. 

It/she allows me to indulge in my darker thoughts without fear of what others may think of me, and without fear of losing myself;  because my thoughts are just as much a part of me as my actions.  

And for many, our unspoken thoughts are much more important/honest than our expected actions influenced by society.

The old ones are fading.
Fresh scars will/please me
Day and Night at your command

My/own/power lies in your hand
around my throat
until I understand/what it means

To live.

~Pusher.Of.Pens~

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I get it now.

I feel I have to over-indulge in the human experience. 

And when I've had my fill, and cannot take anymore, my mouth waters and I regurgitate descriptives, locations, character bios.  I keep purging until I taste the gastro-intestinal acid of the last word.

And the cycle starts all over again. But I'm not sure I'm very fond of this. Perhaps my process is going too slow...should I speed up the binge? 

Or rather, it's about taking time to savor every human experience, allowing it to roll around in my mouth, slowly breaking down into something that I can swallow, but leave on the taste buds of my mind to be savored yet again at a later time. 

Isn't that what we're supposed to do?

It's hard. Hard to savor. Life is going at break-neck speed. Naturally? No. It's forced. 

And so is my Sci-Fi novel. Trying too hard to make it sound like something I'm not quite feeling. Maybe the language, maybe too much Science Fiction for me to write about. Maybe I'm overanalyzing it. Either way, it doesn't feel write--right. 

Fight back for the natural urge.

What comes natural? The Call. I flow in and around the story, adding in pieces of me like a puzzle as I go. And they all fit. I almost seduce myself in a way...wanting to believe the words, wishing for it...

I savor The Call. I vomit my Sci-Fi. Which is better for me?

But I digress.

Almost have a new tattoo figured out... Going along the side of my body from left hip to maybe just under the breast. Or over? Dark, gothic roses. Only black, maybe a deep purple...mauve... I need thorns. This is how I'm feeling. Not depressing, beautiful and imperfect. Delicate and piercing. 

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

You REALLY wanna know how geeky I am?

WARNING: This post will involve links about Space Travel and my thoughts on Technological Advances/Prophecies. If you don't give a shit, or it scares you, go back to your Facebook-ing, please. 

Here:


Aaand if you haven't heard about this yet, shame on you:


Or this:


Tell me that shit's not exciting.  Honestly, I completely agree with Hawking's belief that in order for the human race to survive, a good chunk of us need to expand and inhabit other planets before this one's destroyed by the dumb-fucks that think they run it. 

I don't know about you, but if I had the money (which I eventually will), I would be first in line to get the hell outta here and explore/set up on some other planet. I know I'm a sci-fi geek, but I'm also serious. I'm all about going into the unknown. I know it wouldn't be as cool as Serenity or Buck Rogers, but, hell. Someone's gotta do something.  

This is going in a good direction. Space Exploration is so competitive that the price will go down quickly. It has already gone down from a couple million for Suborbital Space Flight to just over 100 grand. How much longer until there's a commercial liner that takes a whole grade of High School students at a reasonable price?

There's a lot of things I plan on doing in my lifetime, and with all of the new leaps taken in technology, my lifespan could easily double before I hit 45. And then imagine the new door of possibilities that would open when you have a longer time to experience it.  As a self-proclaimed technophile, the Singularity is something I hope will be reached in my lifetime. 

I'm not trying to get all prophetic on ya, but Science Fiction is becoming non-fiction. And it's freakin sweet.

Obviously, I have begun writing my Sci-Fi Novel again. Sweet, sweet relief.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I'm still here, I swear.

I had to take a break from this, for fear of poisoning my blog with a bunch of ridiculous emotions. Things are better now. Well enough to keep them to myself.  So here's an update!!!

1) I got into Columbia!

2)Been seriously considering getting back on track with my Sci-Fi Story. Funny how talking about it with people makes me want to write it even more.  But first, I need to brush up on my Sci-Fi lingo.

3)Living back at home REALLY makes you thankful for the uninterrupted quiet moments. 

4)Loving Beau is now Hopefully Really Good Friend After Some Time Has Passed.

5)There are things on here I DEFINITELY want to say, but it's a process. So I'll stick with my stories. 

6)I'm going to look back into some of my older writings, and may post them on here. Feeling a little nostalgic, and I want to put more of myself out there.

7) Going to Cali next month for some much needed relaxation (read: partying until my heart explodes and liver falls out)

That's it for now. Just wanted you to know I haven't completely disappeared.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Chapter Three

CHAPTER THREE

Lorenzo sat alone at the desk of his study, flipping through a small photo album. It mostly contained old black and white photos of his parents, his sister, Varina, and himself. Towards the end of the album, there were more and more pictures of him, and his former fiancé, Meredith.

With each turn of a page, Lorenzo’s eyes furrowed more, and his chest tightened. By the time he got to the last page, he scowled, ripped it up, and threw the book across the room. He stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. As he paced back and forth in the hallway, memories of the start of his cursed eternity flooded back to him. 

New England

April 7, 1866

“You know, Lorenzo, if you keep treating your fiancé with so much respect and admiration, we men may get the wrong idea,” Lorenzo’s friend Edward said jokingly. It was a party in celebration of Edward’s acceptance into Medical School, and everyone was happily drinking. Lorenzo had his arm around Meredith’s waist, and had just finished boasting to Edward and other colleagues about how great of a poet and writer she was. 

“God forbid a man accepts a woman with a talent other than matchmaking or tea-brewing,” Meredith replied. The group laughed.

Lorenzo made a point of having friends that were open-minded intellectuals, bent on not conforming to society standards. They believed in equality between the sexes, and unlimited knowledge gain, always asking questions. Meredith was a very creative woman, who spent plenty of her time writing, painting, and even drawing up some of her own fashions which she dared to wear in public. Partnered with Lorenzo’s hard lawyer logic, the pair seemed like a match-made in Hell, but the two complemented each other very well, sharing the same ideas and sense of humor.

The night went on as the couple and their friends drank, talked about Edward’s plans, Lorenzo’s latest success in the courtroom, and politics. Around 2am, Meredith stifled a small yawn, signaling that it was time to leave.  The two grabbed their things, congratulated and thanked Edward, and began to walk. 

“Let’s just keep walking, love. It’s so nice outside, and we’re only a little ways’ away.” Lorenzo said, taking Meredith’s hand. She giggled, and stumbled. 

“It may be a good idea. I’m a bit tipsy.”

As they walked along the empty street, they heard a rustling sound in a nearby alley. They stopped, trying to hear the sound again, but it was silent. As they started walking again, the rustling began again. Beginning to feel uneasy, Lorenzo held Meredith closer. 

“Let’s cross the street,” he said, leading her to the other side. 

“What’s wrong? What was that noise?” she whispered. 

“I’m not sure, let’s just hurry ba-” but he was interrupted by a dark figure standing in front of him. He couldn’t see its face, but he could see its teeth, and they shone brightly in the darkness. Suddenly, he heard Meredith scream. Looking to his left, another dark figure was holding her by the waist with his teeth deeply sunk into her chest. Lorenzo leapt on the back of the figure, wrapping his arms around its head when he felt a startling pain in the side of his neck. He could feel the blood leaving his body as his arms fell from the monster. The last thing he saw before he went unconscious was his wife’s limp body being carried away. 

When Lorenzo came to, he was on the floor of what looked like a basement. There was a table with many different sized vials filled with various colored substances. He tried to get to his feet, but still felt too weak. 

What is this feeling…like all of the energy has been sucked out of me? 

Remembering what had just happened; Lorenzo reached for his neck, and felt two puncture holes. But there was no blood. He also noticed that his coat was missing. Lorenzo slowly rose to his feet with the aid of a nearby chair, sitting on it. He dug into his pocket, pulling out a small silver locket. Opening it up, he looked at the picture of Meredith. 

“Meredith…what have they done to you?” he whispered aloud, tears welling up in his eyes. His fist tightly clenched around the locket, he wiped the tears away. He could feel his body get hot, all the way up to his ears. Lorenzo stood up.

“Hello?!” he bellowed. Silence.

“Show yourself, if you dare!” he began to look around the dimly lit basement. 

“Where is my fiancé? You will pay!” Suddenly, a door opened on an upper level, and a woman stepped out into the light. She was in a man’s violet-colored suit, with straight black hair, alabaster skin, and crimson red lips. The corners of her mouth turned up, barely discernible.

“There’s no need to scream and yell. It’s rather rude.” She said calmly. 

“Where is Meredith?! Where is my fiancé?”

“Don’t get too excited; you’ll merely waste the little energy you have.” She replied, walking down the steps to face him. Once face-to-face, he realized that she was quite statuesque, just 4 inches shy of his 6’3 figure. He also noticed that her eyes were a bright, unnatural green.

“Why am I here? And where is Meredith?” he asked again, holding onto the chair for leverage. 

“My, you’re like a parrot, aren’t you? Is that all you know how to say? Be polite. Introduce yourself. My name is Carmella. And you are…?” the woman asked, grabbing a hold of his shirt collar. Lorenzo quickly swatted her hand away.

“Relax, I merely want to take a look at the bite marks on your neck.” She pulled his shirt collar down, looking at the scar. As she licked her lips, Lorenzo asked, 

“Are you doctor?” Carmella raised an eyebrow, looking up at him. 

“No, I just like to see my own work up close.” She replied, beginning to laugh. Lorenzo pulled away, shaking his head.

“You did this to me?!” He stepped back, wiping his clammy hands on his vest. 

“I want out of here…”

“—Where will you go?” she interrupted. “You are no longer normal. You are part of the undead. A completely different species.”

“But—my wife—“

“Your wife was weak. She would not have been able to take it. Besides, I don’t work well with the competition,”

Lorenzo’s face went pale. 

“You—you killed my” he choked on the words in disbelief. “You killed my wife?”

Carmella stared at Lorenzo as if he were dumb. “Well—yes. I mean, what was I supposed to do? I’m only required to kill one, and I made my choice.”

Lorenzo felt the room spinning around him. 

“You kill—for sport?” his lids felt heavy. He could feel her watching him.

“It’s not really a sport…it’s a necessity…for our kind…but you must be overwhelmed.” Carmella took his hand, leading him up the steps. He was dragging behind, with very little energy keeping him conscious. 

“Where are you taking...,” Lorenzo dropped to the floor as they exited the dungeon. He could feel himself losing consciousness. The room became blurry, and began to spin. As he looked up at Carmella, she smiled, winking at him. He fell to the floor and everything went black. 

This time, when Lorenzo woke up, he was in a large baroque period canopy bed. The frame and posts were gold, the sheets violet, and the veil was a sheer crimson. Wiping his face in confusion, he felt wetness near his mouth. Lorenzo held out his hand, and yelped at the sight of blood. He quickly looked to his right, and there was a young naked woman lying dead face-up with her eyes still open. Blood was soaking through the sheets, and there were various bite marks on her body. Lorenzo jumped out of bed, falling onto the floor. 

He frantically looked for his clothes, trying as quickly as possible to get out of the bedroom. Searching everywhere but finding nothing, he finally opened up one of the great oak armoires and grabbed a robe. He ran to the door, but it was locked from the inside. He slammed his shoulder against it a couple times, but to no avail. He scanned the room. No windows. He banged on the door repeatedly.

“Hello?! Can anyone hear me?!” he yelled. He continued to bang. 

“Help me! I’m locked in here! Help me!” his hands began to hurt, so he stopped. Trying to calm himself down, he began to pace back and forth. 

“Think logically, Lorenzo. What was the last thing you remembered?” he asked himself aloud.

He remembered meeting that woman…Carmella. She took him upstairs, and then he lost consciousness. Then he woke up here, next to the dead woman. 

“No, Lorenzo. You were awake at some point in between.” He sat on the edge of the bed, deep in thought. They were broken, however by the sound of the door slowly unlocking. When it opened there was a young woman dressed in bland servant clothes, with wavy blonde hair, holding neatly folded clothes that appeared to be his. Her face was of the same paleness as Carmella’s, only her eyes were brown, and had a comforting openness to them. Lorenzo stood up, instinctively standing in front of the dead woman’s body. 

 The young woman took a step forward, holding out his clothes. 

“Once you are dressed, the Mistress would like to see you in her study,” she said, her head remaining lowered. 

“And where might that be?” Lorenzo asked frustrated.

“It is to the left at the end of the hall. But I am to escort you.” She replied.  Lorenzo grabbed his clothes from her. The woman looked up, but not at him, at the dead woman lying on the bed behind him. Her eyes squinted, and she sniffed. 

“She is not dead, you know,” she whispered. Lorenzo turned to her. 

“What do you mean?” he asked. 

“If you do not finish her, she will come back as one of us. The Mistress does not like unplanned turns, especially women. You must finish her.” She answered quickly, in a hushed tone, as if Carmella could hear them. 

“I will do no such thing,” he answered, beginning to put his clothes on. 

“But you must!” She hissed.

“No, and that is final. Let her come back. I want nothing to do with ‘finishing her’”

The woman’s eyes grew wide, but suddenly, her face twisted into a smile. 

“May I?” she asked, biting her lip. 

“I—what?”

“It will only take a second, I promise. You will be fully dressed by the time I’m done.” She began to inch toward the bed, slowly.  Lorenzo grabbed her arm pulling her away. 

“I will not be witness to your bloodlust. Take me to Carmella now.” He said, buttoning his vest. The woman scowled, but did as she was told. 

She led him down a hallway with paintings of what may have been her family, or perhaps just art. They were all dark, painted with deep burgundies blues and greens. Any lightness in the paintings was merely the skin color or the whites of the subjects’ eyes. As Lorenzo looked at the paintings he began to feel slightly depressed, slowly beginning to see what he had become and the kind of life he had in store. 

When they arrived to a door at the end of the hallway, the woman knocked three times, and then stepped aside. 

“This is where we part. Good luck, sir.” She whispered and quickly walked down the hall. So quickly, in fact, it seemed as if she were floating. Lorenzo’s eyes followed her, wondering if she was going back to “finish” that woman, when he heard the door open. Turning back, he met Carmella’s penetrating gaze. 

“Good evening, Mr. Rinaud,” she said, opening the door wider to let him in. He stepped inside, immediately awestruck by the vast amount of books in her study. Her desk was covered in papers, some with an unidentified script. In the center, he noticed a thick black book with a strange symbol on the front. Carmella followed his eyes to the book. 

“It is a book of Vampiric Law. A little too thick if I may say, but rules were made to be broken,” she said, chuckling to herself. She walked over to the desk, opening a drawer. She took something out, placing it in his hand.

“This belongs to you,” Lorenzo opened his hand, revealing the locket. Instinctively, he put his hand to his pocket not even realizing that it had gone missing. 

“I didn’t want anything to happen to it while you were…well…” Carmella trailed off with a sly smile. 

“How are you feeling Mr. Rinaud? Well-rested?” she asked, sitting down at her desk. Lorenzo’s jaw clenched, knowing her angle. 

“That woman…” he began, not wanting to go any further.

“You killed her. You drank her blood.” Carmella replied.

“I did not. I could not.” He said, backing up to the door. 

“You seduced her promising her a great time, and then you bit her.” She said, standing up, her eyes glowing with excitement.

“No. Impossible.” he said, holding up his hands, continuing to back up.

“Numerous times. All over her body. I know, I watched.”

“I’m no killer!” Lorenzo yelled, his back hitting the door. 

“Yes you are!” Carmella yelled back, suddenly inches from his face. Her grimace softened, and she began to stroke his cheek. 

“Face it, Lorenzo. This is who you are now. You kill to survive. And you do it well. Better than me,” she stepped away from him. Lorenzo staggered to a chair sitting next to the desk, allowing himself to slink down. 

“Vampire…” he muttered. He had to accept. There was no way out. Kill or starve. He rubbed his temples, allowing the defeat to set in. Eternity as a monster.

Carmella walked to one of her bookshelves. After a quick browse, she grabbed a book handing it to him. 

“What is this?” Lorenzo asked, inspecting the blank cover.

“That is everything you need to know about your new life.”

Lorenzo snorted. “New life? How does one live a life in darkness?” Carmella turned to him, her brows furrowed. 

“Mr. Rinaud, what you speak of is a construct of time…day and night. Vampires and humans are merely on opposite circadian cycles. Just because we cannot go out in daylight, we must end our existence? I pegged you for someone more intelligent.” Carmella went over to her desk again, this time, pulling out a bottle of bourbon and two snifters. After pouring two glasses, she handed one to Lorenzo. 

“Let’s make a toast…to your new life.”


~Pusher. Of. Pens.~



Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Chapter Two.

CHAPTER TWO

Lucia awoke to the rain slowly pelting the window next to the desk in her bedroom. She opened her eyes and saw the sun set peeking through the curtains next to her desk, the light slowly dimming to darkness. She quickly sat up. 

“I’m home?” she asked aloud. Taking a quick look around, she hopped out of the bed. Her clothes from the night before were nowhere to be found, and she was in a completely different outfit. 

How did I get here? What happened to Lorenzo?

As last night’s events rushed back to her, she went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, breathing a sigh of relief. Her reflection was still there. That’s probably just a superstition anyway, she thought to herself. She checked her neck for bites, and saw none. Puzzled, she went back to her bedroom and sat on the bed. 

“Okay,” she muttered. “If I don’t remember how I got here, maybe my friends don’t even realize I’m back.” She picked up her cell phone on the nightstand, and speed-dialed her friend Mai. 

“What’s up?” Mai’s voice answered, sounding distracted. She could hear the television in the background. 

“Hey, uh, what happened last night?” Lucia knew she would sound weird if she told her what actually happened.

“Last night? Um, I worked til 2, ate some pizza, went to bed. You?”

“Ah—didn’t we go…dancing…?” A chill went up Lucia’s spine.

“Uh, yeah, about a week ago. Why?” 

“Didn’t I leave?”

“Yes, asshole, you did. I stopped by your place the next day, and you looked like death had washed over you. But when I called that night, you didn’t pick up. What the hell is—are you okay?”

“Let me talk to you later,” Lucia said, feeling the blood drain from her face. She closed her cell phone, and began to shake her head. Why couldn’t she remember the past week? 

She decided to use a meditation technique her grandmother had taught her. She sat on the floor with her legs crossed, and took 3 deep breaths.

Think, Lucia, think. What did you do? What did you do? 

 She could only get short flashes of the past days— first she saw Lorenzo, then she remembered closing the door on her friend Mai. Lucia continued to concentrate.

Where was I?

Then she saw herself in the shower, washing her body and mouth. She looked down and saw blood running down the drain.  Lucia gasped, opening her eyes.

Where had the blood come from? Lucia began rummaging through her laundry, hoping to find clues. Her eyes grew wide with terror as she pulled each item of clothing out of the basket. They were all covered in blood, and it was definitely not her own. 

Lucia’s heart was pounding. With every passing moment things were becoming more confusing and frightening. Countless questions ran through her mind. She began to pace through the apartment searching everywhere for an answer. As she looked, she destroyed all in her path, knocking over lamps, ransacking her refrigerator, splaying the books from her shelf onto the living room floor. It didn’t make any sense. Then suddenly, she stopped, in the middle of the disarray. There was a tingling behind her ears.

“Lorenzo,” she said. The lights in the house, flickered, and then there was a knock on the door. Lucia furrowed her brow in the direction of the door, and asked, 

“Who is it?”

“Lorenzo would like to see you,” a familiar voice answered. Lucia opened the door, and Varina was standing there, her hands on her hips. 

“Why?” Lucia asked. Varina chuckled and grabbed her hand, dragging her out into the hallway. 

“You already know why,” She replied.

They drove the same path as the night when Lucia was first taken to Lorenzo; only this time, she was wide awake, and full of energy. She looked out between the trees, watching the coyotes slither through the woods. She saw the fireflies flicker in front of the car.  The moon, although no longer full, still shone bright, helping to light the way. The drive was so serene and comforting that Lucia allowed a small smile to escape from her lips.

Soon enough, they had arrived at Lorenzo’s home, and this time, he was waiting at the door. Varina opened Lucia’s door, and she slowly stepped out. She really wasn’t too sure what to expect; things hadn’t been very typical lately. As her feet hit the cold gravel, she realized that she had left her apartment without shoes. How did she not notice that until now? Lucia looked up at Lorenzo who seemed to be hiding within the shadows of the doorway, and saw him smile. She walked up the steps, and he took her hand, kissing the palm. 

“Welcome back, my dear.” He said, leading her into the house. 

The door closed behind them. Lucia’s fingers began to tingle again, and her eyesight began to fuzz. 

“Lorenzo, I-“ 

“You have questions,” he interrupted. “And I’ll answer them in time, but first, you need food.” Lucia allowed Lorenzo to lead her down a dimly lit hallway next to the staircase. He opened up another door where there was a dining area set up for two. Lorenzo pulled the seat out for her, but Lucia shook her head, taking a step back. 

“No. I want answers. I want them…now.” Lucia could feel herself begin to lean to the right. She held onto the table for leverage.

“You need to eat, Lucia. Sit down,” he replied, taking a step toward her. She pushed him, causing herself to stumble. 

“No! I want you to tell me, what—what—happened…” Lucia’s vision began to blur, and she dropped to her knees. 

“What’s going on?” she muttered. 

“You need food, Lucia. If you eat, I will tell you everything.” Lorenzo replied, helping her up, and sitting her in the chair. He poured two glasses of red wine, handing one to Lucia. She drank it, gulping the entire glass within seconds. Licking her lips afterward, he asked her, 

“Would you like more?” she nodded, and then suddenly embarrassed by her actions, she asked, 

“It’s delicious. What kind of red wine is it?” Lorenzo simply smiled and began pouring her another glass, saying,

“It’s a special blend from my own…vineyard.” Lucia raised an eyebrow and sipped the wine. She noticed that her vision had returned to normal, and her energy was coming back as well.

“Would you like to know what has happened to you now?” Lorenzo asked, watching as Lucia brought the glass to her lips taking a sip. He noticed the residue of the wine on her upper lip as she licked it off. She nodded her head, slowly, feeling eerily at ease. Lorenzo stood up, holding out his hand. 

“I’d like to show you something,”

Lucia hesitated, staring at his long, pale fingers. After finishing her glass, she took his hand, standing up. He led her through a door off to the right of the dining room that led into a family room. There was a fire burning, and candles were lit on the walls highlighting scenic paintings from underneath. The two sat on an elongated sofa where he handed her a thin black book. 

“What’s this?” Lucia asked. 

“It is a book to help you understand where I come from; where my family comes from.” As she flipped through the pages, there were photographs of numerous men and women with captions underneath. She read over one of a man with short blonde hair, dressed in a suit that looked to be of the style of the early 1900’s. It read:

Name: Philip Corrigan.  B: April 15, 1876 A: November 20, 1911.

As Lucia read through others, she noticed that there was a birth date, but no death date…just a date after the letter ‘A’. 

“What does the ‘A’ stand for?”

“That is what I am going to tell you about. The A is for ‘Awakening’. They have no death dates. Well, most have none.” Lucia closed the book.

“Tell me about this Awakening. Is that what’s happening to me? 

“The Awakening is the process one goes through as they turn completely into a vampire. They come to realize their abilities, such as heightened psychic ability, speed, strength, as well as their inability to age past the day they were bitten. Usually during the first week, their hunger is the strongest, causing them to kill blindly. Most vampire murders you hear of occur in this manner.” Lucia felt her stomach drop as she recalled the blood on her clothes.

“You mean, I—“

“Yes, but you did it in the privacy of my home. I brought you here to feed on ones I found for you. You have quite the appetite,” he replied, chuckling to himself.  Lucia stared at Lorenzo in shock. How could he find murder so amusing?

“The reason you don’t fully remember feeding is because your human body goes into shock with all of the new sensations. As a way of keeping sanity, it compartmentalizes the reality of what you are doing.” 

Lorenzo scooted closer to Lucia, lowering his voice.

“If the average person were to wake up one evening with an insatiable lust for flesh, and then act on that for a week, they might go crazy. From a diet of fruits, vegetables, and perhaps cooked animal meat, to nothing but the blood of others could cause a person to lose grip on reality, and themselves.”

“But I really don’t feel that different,” she muttered, running her fingers along the thin book.

“Not now, no, but when you are hungry, all of your senses are heightened. Your sense of smell, sight and sound all increase hundred-fold. Even when not hungry, these senses are still heightened. You can move much faster than the average human. Some even have psychic and empathic abilities.”

“That explains why I knew you called for me today,” she replied.

“Perhaps, or perhaps that is something much deeper.” 

“But aside from those things, nothing shows, right now, that I am a vampire.”

“Really? Let’s try an experiment.” Lorenzo took Lucia’s hand placing it on her chest. They sat for a second, then she looked at Lorenzo questioningly. 

“What do you feel, love?” she frowned. 

“What? Nothing. My hand on my chest.” Lorenzo smiled, tilting his head a little to the right.

“What’s missing, Lucia?” Suddenly it dawned on her. How could she miss such an important thing?

“There’s no—no heartbeat!” she gasped. In a wave of disbelief, she quickly pressed her head against Lorenzo’s chest as well. She was startled by the firmness. It was almost like stone, but strangely comforting. She lingered for a moment longer, marinating on the news she just received. She lifted her head, afraid of knowing the answer to her next question.

“So this means that I'm dead,” she announced, hollow. Her stomach dropped, and she thought she would be sick. Lucia had no intention of being dead this soon. What would happen with her friends and family?

“If you really must, you could see them,” Lorenzo muttered, as if reading her mind. “I'm not sure that they would accept you, however. You are no longer human.” Lucia looked at him in disbelief.

“What do you mean I am no longer human? I look human, don't I?  And why would they not accept me? I am still family. I am the same person.”

Lorenzo shook his head, chuckling.

“What is so funny?” she scowled. He held up his hand.

“I apologize. But your naiveté is refreshing. It shows how long I have been alone.”

“I see. Well, I am glad that my apparent non-death amuses you so much.” Lucia stood up, walking to the credenza near the entrance of the room. She ran her fingers along the miniature ivory statue of an elephant with its trunk lifted. Lorenzo placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing slightly. Lucia quickly turned around, wondering how he was able to walk to her so fast.

“My dear,” he whispered, trailing his cold index along her jawline. Lucia's eyes slowly closed at the touch. “I do not find your death amusing. Nor do I find it sad. What you must realize is that it is not I who drew you to me, it was your will. Part of your awakening will be that realization.” She opened her eyes, looking into Lorenzo's. They were the darkest of browns, and carried all of his time on this Earth. She could tell that his words were truth, unless it was just another spell of his. She hoped she was wrong about that.  

“Lorenzo...” she began, still staring into his eyes. He raised his eyebrows, letting a small smile escape from his lips. She looked away, taking a step back. 

“This is all going so fast. I don't—I don't even know what I'm supposed to do next. I don't even know who I am. What do I say to everyone? What will they think happened to me? My grandmother--” She turned away from him, then turned back. She had to stay calm. She took a few deep breaths. Face reality Lucia, what's going on here? She was a vampire.  Oddly enough, it used to be one of her biggest wishes. Now that she had it, she wasn't sure what to think of it. Was it as glamorous as portrayed in novels and movies? Highly doubtful, Lucia knew that she needed to learn how to live like one, and Lorenzo was the only one around to help her with that. And maybe, maybe she would get to see her family one day. But not yet. Still staring at the ground, she said,

“Just...tell me what to do next.”




~Pusher. Of. Pens.~


Saturday, February 21, 2009

Chapter One. Enjoy.

CHAPTER ONE

Lucia walked the streets, shading her hazel eyes from the headlights of the passing cars. She was deep in thought, trying to figure out what was going on with her.  She had just woken up from an evening nap, and it was 10pm, hoping to be fully rested so that she and her 2 best friends could go to a club tonight.  However, her nap was not very comforting. 

In her dream, she was asleep in a huge 4-poster bed by herself. The room was barely lit, short of a tall slim red candle sitting on either nightstand near the headboard.  In the distance, she could hear a piano being played, but it was almost indiscernible. Every chestnut tendril was splayed perfectly around her soft face.  Suddenly, a woman crawled up onto the bed from the foot, hissing as she moved.  Lucia awoke, seeing the woman, but was not startled by her.  The woman kissed her on the lips, slowly, sensuously, licking.  She then moved to her ear, licking, nibbling.  Then abruptly, the woman sat up, backing away from her.  Lucia attempted to reach out, but couldn’t move, as if she were paralyzed.  She looked down, and noticed that her body was wrapped in snakes. 

A man dressed in black appeared in the room with dark, striking features.  He had jet black hair, a wide mouth, and a strong nose and jaw line. His eyes were cold, soulless.

“It is time,” he said, floating to her side.  He waved his hand, causing her body to levitate up to him.  The snakes fell away, but she was still paralyzed.  He smoothed her hair away, softly kissing her neck.  He then kissed her collarbone, smelling her.  He ripped the front of her gown open with the mere sharpness of one of his fingernails revealing her small round breasts.  Cupping one into his hand, he lowered his head and bit down.  Lucia woke with a start when this happened and was now walking about, trying to make sense of things. 


“Wow, that dream sounds HOT,” her friend Mai said when Lucia retold the story later on at the club.

“Yeah. You should write it down,” Paul replied, sipping on his Rum and Coke.

“The thing I don’t understand is that it was so REAL.  And I woke up with a terrible pain in my left breast,” Lucia shook her head, finishing off her Long Island. 

“Let’s dance,” she said, trying to forget the whole ordeal. She grabbed their hands and pulled them on the blacklight adorned dance floor.

An hour later, Lucia and Mai were still dancing, but Lucia was feeling strange. She stopped. It felt like someone was watching her…intently.  She looked around, but it was hard to tell with so many people.  She knew she was being watched, though. It was almost as if she could feel their eyes boring into the back of her neck.  She cautiously touched back there, and told Mai that she would be right back.  She walked toward the bathroom, fighting her way through the bustling crowd. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a woman.  The woman from her dream, she realized.  Lucia looked away, and then quickly looked back.  She was still there, and was now staring at her.

“Come with me,” She heard the woman say, but didn’t see her lips move.  Lucia nodded, following her out of a back exit into the chilly night air without question. In the far recesses of her mind, she knew there was something odd about her obedience, but the thought quickly dissipated. The back exit led to an alley that smelled alarmingly like decaying bodies and rat feces.  She covered her face, slightly gagging at the smell.  She continued to follow the woman down the alley to a black town car with tinted windows that was waiting at the opening to the street.  The woman opened the door, motioning for Lucia to get in. She got into the backseat and the woman sat in front.  She looked back, smiling slightly.

“It’s a long drive,” she stated.  Lucia nodded, and then quickly fell asleep.

When she awoke, the car was still on the road; a long, dark, dirt road.  Lucia had no idea where she was, or even how long she had been asleep.  As she looked outside, all she could see were trees, and the moon. That moon, in its flawless, unwavering, full beauty.  There was a circle around it.  It made Lucia think of when she was a child. 

As a child, Lucia was often in the kitchen with her grandmother.  Her grandmother was always cooking, it seemed, and never for the family.  On one particular night, though, her grandmother was making an especially unsavory smelling stew for a young newly married neighbor down the street.  Lucia decided to stand on the back porch to get away from the smell when she noticed the moon. It was full, and had a circle around it.  She went in, excitedly telling her grandmother all about it, but once her grandmother went to take a look, the excitement was gone. She pulled Lucia back into the house, closing the door. She began rummaging through her drawers and cabinets until she pulled out a braided leather necklace with a pink stone on the end. 

“This is rose quartz, bella,” she said, placing the necklace around Lucia’s neck.  

“It will protect you from harm.  Don’t look at that moon, sweetheart.” Then she went back to cooking the stew, muttering incoherently. 5 hours later, the police had called saying that her mother had tried to kill her father by stabbing him.

Lucia turned away from the moon, back into the car.  The girl turned back to her. 

“Oh, you’re awake,” she said.  Lucia nodded.

“Uh…where are we?” she asked

“It’ll be about a half hour,” the girl answered as if Lucia never spoke.  Lucia placed her hand on her neck, playing with the rose quartz between her fingers.

After what seemed like an eternity, they finally pulled up to a huge Victorian-style house set right in the middle of about 200 acres of land. Only one light was on, and it was upstairs. Lucia felt a chill go up her spine.  She opened the car door, and stepped out into the unexpectedly stale, cold air. Looking up at the mansion, she began to actually wonder what she was doing here.  Why did she go with the girl? How could she just leave her friends behind without a word?  They must be worried about her now.

The girl grabbed her wrist. 

“Come on, Dorothy.  He’s waiting,” she said, pulling her to the house.

“Who?” Lucia asked, completely puzzled.  The girl just chuckled, and led her up to the front door. 

Maybe Lucia’s eyes were deceiving her, but it seemed like the front door opened on its own without the girl touching it. She shook her head. Nice one, she thought to herself. First crazy dreams, now hallucinations?

They walked inside, and Lucia gasped.  It was beautiful.  Everything had a Gothic, Mediterranean look to it.  There were rich reds and blacks, deep violet, and only hints of gold.  The wraparound steps had large marble lions on either side of the base. The foyer was only dimly lit with candles on the walls.

“Oh my God…” Lucia whispered.

“Yes?” a voice answered from behind her. She jumped, and spun around.  There he was…the man from her dream.  She could feel her fingertips start to tingle, and her stomach flipped. 

“Your house is…” she began.

“Gaudy, I know.” He finished for her.

“Beautiful.  I love it,” she replied. The man smiled.

“Oh? Well let me give you a tour then.” He grabbed her hand and led her upstairs.

“My name is Lorenzo, and that is my sister Varina who brought you here.”

“I’m—“

“Lucia. Of course, you know I knew that.  Do you know why you are here?”

Lucia shook her head.

“Because I called you here,” he replied.  They had walked into his upstairs study, and he stopped her in front of him. He brushed the side of her face lightly, trailing down her neck, 

“Such beautiful olive skin…” he whispered, licking his upper lip.

“What do you--” Lucia began.

“You see, I have been watching you since birth.  You have always had a way of traveling in the shadows, and you have such dark thoughts...I am quite fond of you.”  Lorenzo handed her a glass of wine.

“You can read my thoughts?” she asked, fearing what he saw.  

“Only through dreams.  But we all know that dreams are merely thoughts amplified.”  He sat across from her on the couch, crossing his legs. The dim light in the study enhanced the glare in his eerily blue eyes and pale lips.  His fingers seemed longer than she remembered.

“But what about the dream I had of you earlier?”

“That was me.  I needed to find a way for you to be more susceptible to my calling you.”

“So this really is more like a spell you’ve cast on me,” she answered, shuffling uncomfortably in her seat.  She suddenly began to feel even more vulnerable than she began.

“No, it’s only a way to open you up to me. You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for your own interest.” He smiled slightly.

“So what are you trying to say? You bring me here, tell me you’ve been watching me, that you like me, so what? We date or something?” Lorenzo laughed.

“I’m afraid I was thinking a little more long term, Lucia,” he replied. Lucia sat her glass down.

“What, um…what?”

“I’m looking for a bride, for lack of a better term…someone to spend my eternity with.”

“Oh,” Lucia nodded. She sat still for a moment, and then quickly stood up, running for the door. Lorenzo blocked her way.

“Look, Lorenzo, I’m gonna have to think about this,” Lucia pleaded, reaching for the door handle.

“What is there to think about? An eternity of luxury, sex, anything you could ever want.”

She stepped back.

“But what about me?  What about my dreams? Hopes? Plans?”

“All trivial.  I can get you everything.  The only thing you have to pay is daylight.”  Lorenzo answered.

“But what about my friends?”

“You can get new ones.”

“My family?”

“We will be your family.”

“Children?”

“Why so many questions?” He hissed, his fangs beginning to show.  He grabbed Lucia by the shoulders, lightly tapped her on the forehead, and her body went limp. Her vision fogged, and she could feel herself being lifted up. Lorenzo was taking her somewhere, but she was too dazed to fight back, or see where he was going. He lay Lucia down on a bed, and she attempted to speak, but only half of her words came out. 

“Where…you…why…”’

“I was trying very hard not to manipulate you, but you give me no choice,’ he said plainly, smoothing her hair. 

“Lorenzo…” Lucia murmured, reaching out to him. 

“Yes…?” he said, sniffing along her neck. He held the rose quartz between his fingers.

“Please, be gentle…” she said, tracing a finger over his lip. He dropped the stone to the floor, and cut open her shirt with his fingernail. He traced along her ear, leaned down, and whispered,

“Nothing, my dear, is gentle about death.”



~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Something of an update...

1) I'm contemplating putting up chapter one of my vampire story...maybe sometime this weekend. 
2) And, another chapter of the first short story could possibly be posted up here next week.    
3) And, once I've thought out and written the short story that I will be submitting to the feminist magazine, I'll most likely post that as well. 

That's 3 different stories. Let's see how I stick to my plan.

Having bought my train tickets to Chicago for March 13-16 already (open house and visiting a friend...or two), I'm pretty nervous about whether or not I'll be accepted. I really large part of me thinks that I will definitely be accepted; I'm just too awesome to not be. But there's a really really really small part of me that's just a little unsure. I hate that part. It gnaws at the back of my brain, trying to break down my confidence. Where the hell did it come from? How do I get rid of it?

One thing's for sure. I want to find out before I leave. I'll be calling them again on Friday to make sure that they received my transcripts from Michigan. If not, I'm faxing over another request for them to mail it to me and Chicago, and I'll even mail my copy to them. It's so frustrating being so damn close to a decision!

And another thing that I have decided: If they don't accept me, I'm going to Chicago anyway. I'll take up Community College to build up my GPA and I'll apply again. And hey, I'll get to transfer more credits, too. 

So regardless of what happens, Chicago's the move.

*sigh* I'll get into Columbia College. I'm sure I will. Well, sort of.  No, no, no.  I will. I will.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Friday, February 13, 2009

So apparently, Obama and MIchelle like to 'fist' together.

Look it up on YouTube.

I've been messing around with my iWork and iLife programs lately, and I'm starting to get the hang of them. I've begun to mess around with my photos, enhancing and creating slideshows and whatnot, I updated/printed my personal contact/business cards, finished my parents' carryout menus, and my next feat will be to design the website for the Restaurant. I love my sporadic bouts of nerdy goodness.


major geek

I just took a really awesome evaluation of my geekiness tendencies that let me know of the obvious stated above. (And yes, the 'r' is purposely not included in the hyperlink...because I forgot it)

In other news, a currently forming feminist zine is looking for submissions, so I am currently working on a short piece of fiction as well as a review or two to submit by the end of March. Yay! A project to keep me focused!

May I also include that I hate taxes? I did my Federal, but I hate State. It's a bunch of fucking bullshit, all the information needed. And it is SO not cut and dry. Unless you work for the IRS. Excuse the colorful language, but I know all of my fellow taxpayers are probably saying the same thing as they fill out the forms. 

Crazy sidebar (as if there aren't enough in this post already):
I had a dream that I had a kitten in my dorm in Chicago, and in order to hide it from the RA, I put it in the closet by coaxing it in with a glass of honey. Really weird. I was afraid it would scratch on the door, so i figured I could keep it busy with honey. 
Upon waking up, I realized this was terribly cruel.
Also upon waking up, I realized I did not, in fact, have a cat, nor was I living in Chicago in a dorm. 
Why is it that all of my kitty dreams are vivid enough for me to think I still have them when I wake up? It sucks.

I want a kitty with great sharpshooting skills to keep the crazy naked men away.



~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Monday, February 9, 2009

Hit the Ground Running...Like your life depends on it.

ABC News: Going Green to Make Green

Reading this article gave me a little bit of a good feeling inside.  I’m honestly really proud to be part of a generation that is a little more concerned about the well being of the planet rather than making big bucks.

Good thing making money will end up as the reward for being so selfless. -_-

But, reading this article also made me think of “The Day the Earth Stood Still”. I just watched it last week. And although I don’t really think aliens are going to come to Earth and tell us we’re killing it and then go saving a bunch of species except for us, (they probably wouldn’t tell us anyway) a good point was brought up:

“But it's only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve.”

And honestly, that’s exactly what I’m afraid of. I mean, really. There’s preventative medicine--and everyone’s all for that--but what about preventative environmentalism? I know I’m not perfect…I could afford to go way green, I’m sure. But at least I’m thinking about it. I know so many people who don’t give this planet a second’s thought. They take advantage of the fact that it was here when they were born, so it’ll be here when they die—but what about the future of everyone else? Besides, we’re on the verge of doubling our life span (that will be another blog, coming soon), so you might just be here to rush and save it.

Wake up, people. Start thinking smarter. We have so many options. And we keep finding more. I really don't think I'm alone in this.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Paint is the Debil!

ABC News: Artist of Famed Obama Poster Arrested in Boston

Ooh, the big bad graffiti artist was arrested for coloring on a building. Quite the sensational story.

But really, this one SHOULD be told. It’s another instance of the PD wasting time and money on something as trivial as paint.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am completely biased with this act. Because if someone where showing bigotry or sexism or anything else I found offensive through their graffiti art, I would be mad. Especially if it was on my building. However, on the other end, it’s just paint. Wash it off and move on. Yes, I do want you to pay for the damages, and yes, I do want you to say ‘sorry’. Even though I know you’re not.

However, jail and bail? Come on, people. Come on, po-pos. Are you going to detain a little girl who has a crayon and wants to make a pretty flower on the wall? Or worse, the parents? How about a mentally challenged adult? Hey, you never know.

I know, I know, it’s not the same thing because they aren’t ‘mentally sound’ to know the difference between the rights and wrongs of building decoration.

At the end of the day, I would much rather be spending my tax dollars hearing about you finding a missing child, or arresting a domestic abuser. That’s just my opinion. What do you guys think?

 

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~


Saturday, February 7, 2009

I love my Hello Kitty notepad.

Now just imagine me scribbling away on that thing at a Writer's Conference. 

You bet your sweet tush I did. 

But honestly, I'm really excited about the Conference. I was a little late...it started at 10, I showed up at 1, but I made it just in time to see Sylvia Hubbard speak on Internet Marketing for Writers.  I got a bunch of awesome notes, bought her book (for 5 bucks!) and left feeling refreshed about the fact that although I have nothing ready to publish, I can still maintain a web presence until the day I do! 

Plus, the concept of E-books and publishing myself makes me salivate.

So in honor of my newfound confidence in my lackluster writing consistency/abilities, I have changed my layout a little bit, and will be posting semi-regularly on here (I already have two blogs ready to go). I am also off to hunt down other bloggers to befriend so that I won't be so lonely. 

*Runs off, MacBook in hand, cape billowing behind her in the wind*

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Monday, February 2, 2009

Ice Mountain is way better than your crappy ol' Dasani.

I'm currently on a Virginia Woolf/Designer labels kick. I'm feeding my intellectually creative side, as well as the fashionably conscious writer side. 

I'm reading "A room of one's own," Woolf's Six Chapter on Women and Fiction. It's taking time for me to read it because I'm letting it all sink in, and I want to take notes on the things she says. I love the style of it; it's as if she is writing every thought as she has it, along with the daily interruptions. Her sense of humor is very dry (which I absolutely love) and slightly under the radar. I only hope to write so well.  I can't wait to read everything else she's written. (note to self: Make a date with the library this week).

I am also obsessed with looking up different designers, past styles, the evolution of fashion in general. I will be going to school soon to major in writing articles about this stuff, so what the hell is up?  I'm beginning to develop preferences for certain designers, which is also helping me to better define my own style. I know that I am completely eclectic with what I like, but it hasn't reflected in my wardrobe (save a few pieces bought on impulse--I swear that's the best way to know what you really like!). I'm playing it too safe, afraid of being too dressed up, often feeling extremely under dressed in the end.  I want to break out of my comfort zone, and step into something new. I tell myself that I am open-minded...so why not with fashion? That's probably the safest way to test out my limits, I think.

God, I feel so BORING sometimes. I need to start making these changes I speak of.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~