Accountability post (and teeny nerd moment)

Happy Friday, people!

Guess what my plans are tonight?
Exactly.
Yeah. I'm a lame-o.
A lame-o who's gonna get published, dammit.

This is just a quickie, but I thought, for accountability purposes, I would post my word count goals and the respective rewards I set for each of them:

1: 10,000 words: Upgrade my laptop. 
Since I can't afford a new laptop just yet, I'd like to keep the one I have in tip top shape. Right now, because it's from late 2007 (or early 2008?), it only has 1 GB of RAM, which is a little pathetic. So I'm upgrading to 2GB, which I think will be its limit on the processor it's running on (Intel Core 2 Duo). After this, we'll see how long she lasts...

2: 25,000 words: 250 G Hard drive for my xbox 360
Shut up, I like my RPG's. And my Arcade Games. And my TCG's.

3: 40,000 words: NEW RECORD PLAYER! (Or, at least, start seriously looking for one)
My current one is pulling some slow demonic shit on me right now.  Yeah, it makes my Baroness album sound hella gritty (It already sounds like Odin's house band), but it's not how it was meant to be heard, ya know?

4: 50,000 words and beyond: AHHHHH I'M NOT SURE YET. I was thinking of dinner at the best damn steakhouse in Chicago (with a friend or two, of course), but we'll see what else I think of. Maybe I should just make it: Save as Much Money as Possible to Get an apartment when your Lease is Up. Maybe I can convince someone else to take me to a celebratory steak dinner? (you know who you are...and yes, there's more than one of you)

If/when I figure out how to maybe make this a list that I can cross out as I progress and put on the side as a widget, I may do that. But maybe not. Don't want to clutter up my ad-free blog with my crap.

Anyway, back to writing.

Post coming soon, though. I was having some thoughts today, and I was thinking maybe I'd turn em into words for you to read.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

There is no try...

"Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things. You simply must do things."

~Ray Bradbury

NaNoWriMo.  

I got serious about it this year, kids.  I created a schedule of writing with daily word count goals, rewards for when I hit certain goals and recruited a team of supportive readers to give me input throughout the process. 
But most importantly, I have an outline for my book this time around.  A working, plausible outline for a story I'm really excited to write.
But even more most importantly, I showed the idea to a few friends, and they want more.   To have that kind of support behind me is a completely different feeling from my normal 'keep-it-to-myself-until-I-churn-out-a-draft-that-I-don't-want-to-burn-immediately' state of mind.

It's great incentive to know that someone is hoping for and expecting me to continue an idea. This was where my team of supportive readers stemmed from. Anyone who knows me knows that it's rare that I ever tell more than one person in detail what I'm writing about, but there was something about this story: 

I wanted to share it. I wanted to share my idea before I even started writing it. This never happens.  

I, being a believer in Fate when it's convenient for me, took it as a sign that I should continue on with this story, and work my glutes off to get this baby written, like, seriously. And so, it's my focus--for this entire month and beyond. And even when I don't feel like writing a lick, I can remind myself of a few things:  

1. It sure as hell isn't gonna write itself.
2. I have people who matter to me, waiting for this story.
3. Merely 'trying' will get me nowhere.
4. I want this more badly than anyone else does.  

I haven't finished a draft of anything since I left Columbia, and I am long overdue for something completed. I am done 'trying' to get through a story.  

I set rewards and goals for myself, because I have realized that I become easily distracted by life in its many aspects. Last year during this month, I was in the process of moving out of my old apartment, staying with friends for two weeks, and then moving into a new place. A novel was the last thing on my mind. Over the summer I was having other issues. But right now, I have no big moves, no nervous breakdowns, no important dates (Other than my trip to New York)--just a shit load of writing time when I get off work. I am not going to 'try' to hit my word count, or 'try' to finish a draft, I am just going to do it. And if I fall behind, I will not 'try' to catch up; I will.  

I have noticed that when the word 'try' comes into play, lots of other little defeatist words sneak in, like, 'but', 'if only', 'I don't know', 'maybe'. These all form excuses, which keep us from moving forward.  

Look, we're all human (I think), we all err, we all get distracted. But we're also much stronger than we realize. There's something to be said about perseverance and stubbornness in the face of obstacles. When I feel beaten down, lacking motivation, I have to remind myself of how it feels when I finish a long section that had been stewing in my head all week. I have to think back to how I was in my writer's flow, where the words just kept coming for hours and tell myself that I want to feel that again.  How else can I get that feeling back except to Keep Writing?  

So yeah, find me on NaNoWriMo (PusherofPens), look at my widget to the right to track my progress, etc etc. 

~Pusher.Of.Pens.~