Seeking Balance: Part One

Life in the Apartment has been starting to get to me in little ways:

1) The walls are terrible for decorating or placing nails in for artwork/shelving.

2) The walls are thin; I can smell my 70-year-old neighbor’s cigarettes through the wall, as well as anyone who smoke outside by my front door.

3) The ceilings are also thin, because I can hear our neighbors upstairs walking, running, moving, uh…rhythmically in their bedroom…

It’s little things like this that make me ask myself why I signed another 12 month lease. But I know why. Because we finally have our own place to live, and who wants to move a queen sized very expensive eight-drawer bed frame made completely of wood that we’d have to take apart to get out of the bedroom and put back together in the NEW bedroom?  Answer: Nobody that we didn’t have to pay.

Personally, it is my first time living on my own AND paying my own bills (obviously split with Loving Beau), so there is a small bit of excitement having that freedom.  And there is a small bit of anxiousness knowing that I can do much better than this. Although friends say I have a great deal on the apartment (lower price, includes water, washer and dryer in-unit), it’s the little things (see beginning of post) that make a place livable that get to me.

So when a discussion came up about where we are living, and my happiness in this place, Loving Beau pointed out (which I already knew),

“You don’t seem very happy about where you live. You need more interaction with people. I don’t think that you would fare well in the country,”

‘Eh? The Country?’ you ask out loud. You look over the blog again, seeing if you missed a part.

Well, you didn’t. Because I didn’t mention it. Because I didn’t know how to put that in here.  Until now.

Loving Beau is working toward a plan to buy property, build a house from the foundation up, and make it completely self-sufficient, and ultimately, SMART.

I think that this is a great venture, and I am behind him every step of the way. But it didn’t hit me full throttle until he brought up his point that I may actually have to live there.

This is me at my most aloof. The two never matched up. He would ask me,

‘How do you feel about that?’ and my answer would always be,

‘I think it’s a great idea, honey.’ And then he would ask,

‘Do you think you could live like that?’ and I would reply,

‘I can definitely try.’

But that’s where it stopped. I’ve finally realized that if we go through with all of this, saving up money to buy this land, to build this house (and this would take no less than 5 years, mind you, and I’m being optimistic) and to eventually live on it…we would be living there. We’re not building a time-share. Not a weekend home. An actual home. A 365.4,24/7 home.

Trust me, I’ve looked at all of the positives…the clean air, the privacy, the ability to grow and harvest our own food, the space, the quiet, all of these things. And they sure do sound pretty.

But…what about the people? The noises? The voices, the cars, the music, the culture, the energy? My God, what about the energy emanating from the constant people? What about the culture pouring out of every street corner? What about the random gatherings of tons of friends (or unknowns) to play or enjoy music? Or to see art? Or to eat and drink?

I’m already missing that energy, and I need it back. How could I possibly live in the country?

So at those words, all 22 years of my life flashed before my eyes in wave after wave of memories of growing up downtown. Being able to go anytime of the day or week and find something to do. Knowing half of the owners by name, and they knowing mine. I would get lost for hours browsing books in the local bookshop and couldn’t help but play with every guitar in the music store. I’d feel obligated to stop and get my Coney and Chili Cheese Fries. I was hypnotized by the (normally) lucid melodies of the acoustic guitarists and singers and pianists in the corner coffee shop (that grounded its own coffee beans in the back). I would giggle at all of the crazy tops and skirts from the 60’s and 70’s at the Vintage Shop, but secretly wish I had the guts to pull off the outfits. And I would wander in the Mystical/pipe shop looking at nothing simply because I liked the smell, and the owner’s cat. Being lulled to sleep by the sounds of the train, people leaving the bar down the street, cats outside. Being woken up by the jets at the nearby base doing training exercises.

How could I give that up? I have already done that long enough. It hurts that I now have to drive to get those feelings back…and having recently obtained a car, I haven’t quite had the chance to do that. All of those memories were the start of my inspiration to write. It was then that I learned to take a notepad and paper with me everywhere I went because nobody knows when inspiration will strike.  This is where my inspiration began.

So what’s a girl to do?

~Pusher. Of. Pens~

 

Loving Beau saved over our Dark Alliance with his own. :(

There are some things I have been thinking about lately, and I need to blog about them as a way to hold myself accountable. 

I DO want to take my writing seriously. I would like to make money off of it, and eventually make a living off of what I love to do the most. Now, I know I keep saying it, but I need to make a plan as to how I intend to get to my goal.  I want to create more time for me to write, get myself into the habit of blogging and writing something everyday, network my talent and skill, and then make big mah-nay writing articles and publishing my novels/short stories. Here's a list of the things I want to accomplish by the new year: 

1)Quit my current job at the office, and work shorter, more flexible days at my parent's restaurant for about the same pay.

2)Write thought out articles on this blog--in between my random musings.

3)Create another blog, my niche blog, that will become a showcase of my writing ability on a specific subject.

4)Change my business cards and email signatures to include the URL of my niche blog.

That's really not too much to ask with a month deadline. Especially since my first task is already halfway done. I'll be spending a ton of time on various freelance websites to help me build my portfolio and for motivation. And while I'm at it, I will also look through other blogs to begin networking.

These are my current short term plans. No backups required. Wish me luck!

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

If you like Vampire Anime, Go watch "Karin" on MegaVideo.com

So, just a quick update. 

Dark Alliance 2 is the Shit.

I should totally be writing right now. 

But I'm watching Karin.

And I applied for two writing gigs on Craigslist today. One pays per article, the other is a literary magazine still in the development stage. So I hope at the very least that I get an email back from them! :)

I've been thinking about it, and I need to at least get some experience under my belt writing on a regular basis. If anything, it will give me more discipline to finish my own work. Goodness knows I can shoot out 500 words in one sitting, easy.  

Something else I think I will start doing are creative writing prompts. I'll find one, and then write at least 500 words on it. It could be fiction or nonfiction, whatever cards are dealt.

I still have a bit of a desire to be a journalist; but I've only really pursued it in high school. College was just a bust, journalistically speaking. Maybe I'll also look up some fashion/style/art blogs as well, since those would be my subjects of interest.  

*I have black fingernails. It looks so good on me*

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

And if you complain once more...You meet an ahhhmy of meeeee...

I'm typing this from my iPod touch :)

Today was spent updating this baby. I can now download apps like this nifty one I'm using right now that allows me to post blogs from here. The keyboard takes a little getting used to, but blogging this way will help me to speed up the process.

This weekend is definitely going to be a gaming weekend. Loving Beau and I are spending all of tomorrow in our jammies and playing Dark Alliance. I'm ridiculously excited to do absolutely nothing.

I also downloaded my first podcasts today. This whole time I thought I had to buy any podcast I wanted to get. But I found a couple of really decent ones for free! One is on grammar and another is by TED. I'm always really excited when I find ways to use my tech gadgets. I have every intention of integrating them into my life. Without going overboard, of course, because I do love simplicity and naturalness.

It's all about balance, you know?

Alright, I'm spent. The main purpose of this post was to practice on this keyboard

*checks clock*

Not bad, only took six hours...

~Pusher. Of. Pens~

I refuse to turn up the heat despite my chattering teeth.

I must have hit my head somewhere...

I suddenly believe that I am this super awesome interior designer/ jewelry maker that can make anything she puts her mind to.

I have these crazy plans of making our curtains and using  painted tree branches as curtain rods.

I learned how to make the Kusudama flower to put into our vases for colorful decoration.

I'm working on a couple of chokers for a couple of friends...

And other crazy little stuffed animals and all that terribly artsy n craftsy stuff. 

Also, now that I am no longer singing in a band, I am teaching myself acoustic guitar (again). Only, this time, I intend to follow through. I have so many songs in my head that need to get out. And I need to be the one to get them out. 

Still working on my Vampire Novel...jumping ahead, tying up older chapters...banging my skull on the wall because I can't type any faster (yet). Even though I average over 50 wpm. And that's with MINIMAL mistakes, thank you very much. :-D

Tonight...headed out to the Hayloft to see a couple of fellow bands play. Perhaps I'll be networking... need some friends when I make my first album, right?

God, I'm so right-brained, I'm what my mom calls "lopsided". Pretty soon I'm gonna lose my communication skills with the outside world. I've gotta be careful about this.

~Pusher. Of. Pens. ~

Ugh. I hate freakin spiders.

Here's a tip: If you're highly sensitive to pills with caffeine in them, don't take them at 8:00 at night. 

It is now 1:14, and I can't sleep. My eyes won't stay closed, I keep waking myself out of sleep. When I lay in bed, my mind is racing and I can't focus on relaxing enough. It's that damn MetaboLife. Just like TrimSpa, if I take it before dinner, I can't go to bed. 

That is, if I eat dinner at my normal time--7 or 8:00. 

Now that I think about it, I wonder if one of the side effects of taking these is that you may have trouble sleeping at night due to the amount of caffeine.

To be completely honest, I am totally wired right now, and I have no idea how long it's going to last. SO I guess I'll just surf the web until my head hits the keyboard.

Holy Mother of Buddha. I just killed that fucker. Big Black one. *shudders*

~Pusher. Of. Pens~

My Blogging Consistency Amazes Me.

Veganism....Down the drain.

Writing....Staring Down the Toilet.

Cleanliness...."A" Plus!

I'm distracting myself with keeping things organized around the house, and sticking with a cleaning schedule. Making our place look like a home and all that good "perfect domestic partner" hoopla.

We just bought a tv, and...I don't know what to do with it. I keep staring at it, hoping it will tell me to 'play a videogame' or 'watch a cheesy chick flick' or 'pop in some porn' or something, but nothing. 

I'm finally beginning to realize that inanimate objects don't talk back, nor do they give you ideas. This observation also explains why my random profanities shouted at Office Machinery doesn't seem to work too well, and why when I'm working on my novel(s), it never finishes my chapters for me. 

The beau is working late nights, leaving me to my imagination. The good girl in me would be writing right now, but the bad girl in me wants to surf the web for all types of debauchery. 

But I'm off to a good start...I have a notebook open to a fresh page sitting on the coffee table next to me. There's a pen ready and everything. 

And hey, I'm blogging in here, aren't I?

The beau and I started a website, and I'm supposed to be posting something by the end of the week about Health and Wellness and stuff. Still in the brainstorming phase, but I haven't written anything credible since my senior year of high school, so I'm a little rusty on the journalistic aspect of writing. I'm sure everything I learned will come rushing back to me soon enough...

*But I'm not holding my breath*

So I happened across the walkway to my neighbor's apartment to use her phone, and I was admiring her Modernized Candelabra wall decor. 

She says, "Really? You can have it."

I replied, "Uh--what? Oh, I was just saying--"

I really didn't think I was salivating over it (well, maybe a little bit), but how do you say no to free wall goodies?

So at her insistence ('I want to put up more photographs, anyway') I nabbed it. I intend to clean it up and place it on the wall to complement our 'soon-to-be-assembled' brand new 6 piece dining table set. 

Now that we've decided we're going to stay here another year, we're slowly making our apartment a little cozier. The topping on the cake is going to be when we get a KITTY. Because Pusher of Pens LOVES KITTIES. And Pusher of Pens will be very ANGRY if loving beau decides against getting a KITTY. Loving Beau has been warned. ;-*

And now to go surf the web mindlessly and feed (or worse, develop) my ADD. 

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

There's this annoying gnat that keeps flying about my head.

Originally written at 12:55 pm: 

Shhh…I’m at work.

 Just had a lovely lunch of cut fruit; watermelon, pineapple, honeydew and green grapes. See, this part is easy for the times I don’t cook, there’s always fresh cut fruit at the building’s cafeteria.

 What’s also awesome is that they have the ingredients of their bagels, so I’m good to go. Wait. Is yeast dairy? *Checks online* Hell no, totally vegan. I knew that. 

Really. I did.

Leftover cold Chinese for dinner (REALLY GOOD), and now I'm just passing the time playing the Sims and looking up Japanese Street Fashion. Man, I really love the style. Actually, all street fashion is just incredibly inspiring. I don't see that here. It's quite sad. Everyone looks the same.

So I attempted to make pot stickers Saturday night. The filling was delicious, but I know that I made the wrappers just a little too thick. I used whole wheat flour. And then I burned the bottoms of most of them, so the fiance ate about 1.5 of them and said, "It's good, but...It's burnt." So I have leftover dough and filling, so I'll just try it again, and maybe it'll work out this time around. 

Lately, I have seriously had a taste for vegan burritos. Black and pinto beans...brown rice, salsa, guacamole, lettuce, tomato, corn... *salivates*

I've also been craving mashed potatoes. 

Oh, side note: As to how I've been feeling lately since I've omitted the animal products. I honestly feel like I could be going through a very mild withdrawal. It was expected that I would have irrational cravings for fried chicken and medium-rare steak, but when I think about where it comes from, well...yeah. But I've also had less energy, I'm slightly irritable. I was researching some more, and they are also common symptoms when you take those things out of your diet, but then everything goes back to normal and you feel even better. It hasn't even been a week yet, so I know that's what it is. 

Another thought: Something I realized about some vegans...for those who do not completely understand the diet, they end up stuffing their faces with pasta and egg-free bread products all day, and don't look like the vegans most people are associated with seeing. And that's what happens when you consume wheat gluten. It bloats the body. And too many carbs without burning them off is a problem as well. So I want to do this right. I don't mind having the occasional piece of bread, but I want our diet to consist mainly of fruits,veggies,beans,legumes, blah blah blah.

I really need to drink more water. I'm finally up to a bottle a day. That's just pathetic. I also need to start working out. But these things come in waves. One step at a time. 

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

!!Tip of the Day: Smile when you first wake up in the morning, and as soon as you go to bed at night. A genuine one.

If I could be any vegetable, I'd be a Parsnip. Heck Yeah.

Actually written at 10:50am::

Bonjour!

So I disappeared for 4 months, because...I really didn't have anything to talk about. But here's a little something worth documenting...

I'm going vegan. 

“Oooooo....what's that?” Omnivore onlookers ask. 

Vegan: (n) A person who does not eat or use animal products.

I know, it's just so rare that anyone ever talks about their experience going vegan. I mean, do a Google search for it. Nothing comes up. I'm going to be the first.*

I wish I could say that it's going to be hard, but I really don't think it will. I have my lovely fiancé going vegan with me, and, well...we never really ate much meat. But the cheese...that might be a slight bump, you know? And the clothes...well, the more I educate myself, the better I can discern whether what I'm wearing or using is cruelty free or not. Besides, this is a great excuse to buy a lot of new stuff. 

But that is NOT my (main) motivation. I feel bad for animals and stuff...I'd be an active activist if I weren't busy wasting time on worthless things. I personally don't think people need meat to survive. At all. As in, EVERYTHING you need is in fruits and veggies, and...grains, and...beans...and... other foods without a face.

If anyone against my thoughts is reading this...do something for me. Look up the acai berry and tell me what you find out about it.  What's in it? Then tell me I can't live like this.

Actually, that doesn't really prove it, but look it up anyway. Because it's an amazing berry. The Brazilians are lucky.

Moving on...

I'm still an aspiring writer. I am working on two different novels. One is vampire-esque. Which means, it's about vampires. The other one is Sci-Fi Cyberpunk. Actually, that's the name of it right now because I refuse to title an unfinished work. 

Which means I have nothing titled. 

Kind of sad considering I've been writing since I was in the Fourth grade.

I am also contemplating just publishing the book myself. I'll have to do more research, but I don't want to consider myself an environmentalist and kill trees. Everything is read on the computer these days anyway. If anything, I would want my stuff printed on 100% recycled paper, but I would eventually want to go paperless, selling it all in PDF format, or something.

Alright, this was just an update to get myself back in the swing of things. Besides, I'm sitting in $tarbucks with my new MacBook** and this adorable baby has a scream like Aphrodite, or some other cool Goddess. And I have a pedicure @ 11:30. Beauty calls...actually, it was calling everyday but I kept screening because I had “better” things to do, like, nap, or... find wine. 

Someone just passed by me, and they smelled. Like...well, like @$$. And a convalescent hospital.

I'm outta here. 

~Pusher of Pens~

!!Tip of the day: Do yourself a favor and put a filter on your faucet, unless you buy Spring Water. Pharmaceuticals aren't my idea of fortification or enrichment, ya know?

Notes:

*This is sarcasm. It occurs a lot in my musings.*

**I got a new MacBook! And Ipod Touch and Printer! The Ipod and Printer were free. I got the rebate back in 7 days. No lie. I'm in love.**

Where does dust come from? Is it bug poo?

I never really understood the idea of Spring Cleaning before. What was it about the first hint of warm weather that made people feel or believe that they should spend some serious time cleaning? I'd much rather go outside for a walk, or drive around with the windows down and the music loud. That is, until this past weekend.

My Sig.O and I had gotten a little lazy with our weekly cleanings, only touching the surface to make it seem shiny. We finally couldn't lie to ourselves any longer; something seriously had to be done. So on Friday, we began what I called,

"Super Mega Ultra Cleaning Extravaganza Peace Love 2008 Yeah!" (hold up the peace sign; huge smile)

*Sigh.* Too much anime.

It started out slow. Believe me, it started out REALLY slow. Friday night, we spent what seemed like forever rearranging our respective bookshelves. There was no real physical movement of the shelves themselves, it seriously took us about 3 hours to place BOOKS ON SHELVES.

Then Saturday we had a little bit of momentum. We took our ridiculously huge mattress off of our ridiculously huge bedframe, and cleaned it all, head to toe. Then we oiled it. We vacuumed all the surprise crawly critters, every dust bunny, every corner,ledge, you name it, we did it. And shortly into this, I realized that I kind of enjoyed it. There's something about cleaning that just makes you feel...

Safe.

We of course got distracted by *gasp!* the sun and went for a walk. Then we came back and lounged for 3 hours until the sun went down. Just didn't seem right to work when it was pretty outside.

We finished the big stuff yesterday, getting rid of a table and a chair, adding a shelf, rearranging, and I must say, I was very proud of the work accomplished this weekend. Our place looks much more inviting, much more relaxing, much more efficient. We can breathe a little easier (physically and mentally) now that our apartment is almost spotless.


I still don't understand what came over me; perhaps it was the idea of a new season, a lighter, brighter season that called for getting rid of anything in the house that could possibly bring down your mood. Everything is open, energy flows freely, I even feel like I could actually write here now!

It was a great way to kick off a new season.

!!Tip of the Day!! Fruit in the morning by itself is the best breakfast energy boost one could have. Try it out.

~Yep. Pusher of Pens~

What have I just done?

I'm not sure how this happened, but I was suddenly curious about blogs, blogging, bloggers, blog sites; the 5 W's and the H. I had already read a few of them myself to pass the time when I should definitely be working on my current novel/short story/anthology/miniseries/screenplay(?), and I have a personal blog on my MySpace page that I update only when big things happen.

So I figured, why not create one? Write your musings, thoughts, opinions, and other synonyms. It's a great way to excuse myself from continuing any writing projects I have right now.

*I am a firm believer that the internet was created to distract well-meaning creative brains like myself from finishing (or starting, for that matter) the work I planned on doing.*

But if I look at it positively, I guess I initially started this whole thing because I needed to get myself into the habit of writing everyday. Even if it has nothing to do with my novels, I need to be in Scribe mode, and perhaps it would open up my internal Muse box, and trick it into giving me an idea.

*There's that saying, "Never let your well run dry," and that was exactly what I let happen. Bad girl-who-thinks-she's-a-writer. Bad.*

So here. Hi. Read if you want. Some of it might be boring. Some of it might be interesting. Maybe even funny. And perhaps, who knows? I might even form a niche through this trial-and-error-i-can't-believe-I-started-a-freaking-blog phase.

!!Tip of the Day!!: Drink green tea. The antioxidants and the metabolism boost will do ya good.

~Yep. Pusher of Pens.~