Shit, guys.
Visualize with me a moment: A young woman, sitting in the center of a red room. All around her are miniature storms, thundering loudly, raining wildly, bumping into one another, but maintaining their strength. The wind is whipping her hair, destroying the objects in the red room. A lamp crashes to the floor. The bookshelf tilts to the right, against the television. Pieces of cushion are being ripped from the couch and futon, swirling in the mess of the mini storms.
Within these storms are aspirations, ideas, fears, roads less traveled--and they're fighting with one another, trying to win the woman over, this woman who is staying still, seated in the center of her red room, whipping hair, torn clothing and all. The world around her is falling apart, and she remains there, unmoved.
The question is... does she continue to stay still, and allow this destruction to continue while the storms brew, become stronger? She does love the chaos.
Or should she get up, and attempt to make something out of this torrential predicament? These storms are fighting with one another, but they all share something...
Her.
Perhaps she should use this knowledge and accept that each and every one of these storms is a part of her, take them in, and learn to work with them. It's one thing to watch a part of yourself go wild and take over, but it is quite another to control it, to dictate its direction, its strength, its affect on yourself and those around you.
It is time to take this mess, and bring it within. Only there can I learn to understand and manage its potential to be something beneficial, something beautiful.
Anyone who knows me, knows that my interests vary, and it makes it hard for me to make decisions when it comes to how I want to make money, how I want to be happy. In the past, I have seen it as a burden (as have others), continuing to feel frustration with my inability to be happy with any move I make. I cannot do that any longer, because the wide array of interests I have make me who I am, and without that, I could never be the well-rounded individual that I am now. What I can do, is attempt to apply a little more logic to my interests-- what is worth the traditional education? What can I learn on my own? What are other ways for me to learn than merely taking a class or reading a book? How can I experience other interests and aspirations of mine that would satisfy my need to learn about everything?
It's possible that I am just not going to have a Bachelor's, Master's or PhD. And let's face it; my need for those was strongly based on values placed upon me as a child--which I do not regret in the least, and I will be forever grateful to my parents for instilling in me the aspiration to be the best I can be.
I'm tired of people cringing at the thought of me NOT becoming some corporate professional whats-her-face. I'm a fucking ARTIST. A Musician, a Writer, Performer, you name it--if it's an art, I have either tried it, am about to try it, or am currently doing it. So when it comes to career paths, and how I make money, it will not be as conventional as some may hope. And I probably won't live above the Starving Artist line for a long time.
And if you're tired of me expressing another interest of mine, another aspiration, another way of thought, another path, well...
Deal.
This blog post is a message of self-acceptance.
This has been another installment of the Windy City Enlightenment Series.
~Pusher. Of. Pens.~
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