Seeking Balance: Part One

Life in the Apartment has been starting to get to me in little ways:

1) The walls are terrible for decorating or placing nails in for artwork/shelving.

2) The walls are thin; I can smell my 70-year-old neighbor’s cigarettes through the wall, as well as anyone who smoke outside by my front door.

3) The ceilings are also thin, because I can hear our neighbors upstairs walking, running, moving, uh…rhythmically in their bedroom…

It’s little things like this that make me ask myself why I signed another 12 month lease. But I know why. Because we finally have our own place to live, and who wants to move a queen sized very expensive eight-drawer bed frame made completely of wood that we’d have to take apart to get out of the bedroom and put back together in the NEW bedroom?  Answer: Nobody that we didn’t have to pay.

Personally, it is my first time living on my own AND paying my own bills (obviously split with Loving Beau), so there is a small bit of excitement having that freedom.  And there is a small bit of anxiousness knowing that I can do much better than this. Although friends say I have a great deal on the apartment (lower price, includes water, washer and dryer in-unit), it’s the little things (see beginning of post) that make a place livable that get to me.

So when a discussion came up about where we are living, and my happiness in this place, Loving Beau pointed out (which I already knew),

“You don’t seem very happy about where you live. You need more interaction with people. I don’t think that you would fare well in the country,”

‘Eh? The Country?’ you ask out loud. You look over the blog again, seeing if you missed a part.

Well, you didn’t. Because I didn’t mention it. Because I didn’t know how to put that in here.  Until now.

Loving Beau is working toward a plan to buy property, build a house from the foundation up, and make it completely self-sufficient, and ultimately, SMART.

I think that this is a great venture, and I am behind him every step of the way. But it didn’t hit me full throttle until he brought up his point that I may actually have to live there.

This is me at my most aloof. The two never matched up. He would ask me,

‘How do you feel about that?’ and my answer would always be,

‘I think it’s a great idea, honey.’ And then he would ask,

‘Do you think you could live like that?’ and I would reply,

‘I can definitely try.’

But that’s where it stopped. I’ve finally realized that if we go through with all of this, saving up money to buy this land, to build this house (and this would take no less than 5 years, mind you, and I’m being optimistic) and to eventually live on it…we would be living there. We’re not building a time-share. Not a weekend home. An actual home. A 365.4,24/7 home.

Trust me, I’ve looked at all of the positives…the clean air, the privacy, the ability to grow and harvest our own food, the space, the quiet, all of these things. And they sure do sound pretty.

But…what about the people? The noises? The voices, the cars, the music, the culture, the energy? My God, what about the energy emanating from the constant people? What about the culture pouring out of every street corner? What about the random gatherings of tons of friends (or unknowns) to play or enjoy music? Or to see art? Or to eat and drink?

I’m already missing that energy, and I need it back. How could I possibly live in the country?

So at those words, all 22 years of my life flashed before my eyes in wave after wave of memories of growing up downtown. Being able to go anytime of the day or week and find something to do. Knowing half of the owners by name, and they knowing mine. I would get lost for hours browsing books in the local bookshop and couldn’t help but play with every guitar in the music store. I’d feel obligated to stop and get my Coney and Chili Cheese Fries. I was hypnotized by the (normally) lucid melodies of the acoustic guitarists and singers and pianists in the corner coffee shop (that grounded its own coffee beans in the back). I would giggle at all of the crazy tops and skirts from the 60’s and 70’s at the Vintage Shop, but secretly wish I had the guts to pull off the outfits. And I would wander in the Mystical/pipe shop looking at nothing simply because I liked the smell, and the owner’s cat. Being lulled to sleep by the sounds of the train, people leaving the bar down the street, cats outside. Being woken up by the jets at the nearby base doing training exercises.

How could I give that up? I have already done that long enough. It hurts that I now have to drive to get those feelings back…and having recently obtained a car, I haven’t quite had the chance to do that. All of those memories were the start of my inspiration to write. It was then that I learned to take a notepad and paper with me everywhere I went because nobody knows when inspiration will strike.  This is where my inspiration began.

So what’s a girl to do?

~Pusher. Of. Pens~

 

Loving Beau saved over our Dark Alliance with his own. :(

There are some things I have been thinking about lately, and I need to blog about them as a way to hold myself accountable. 

I DO want to take my writing seriously. I would like to make money off of it, and eventually make a living off of what I love to do the most. Now, I know I keep saying it, but I need to make a plan as to how I intend to get to my goal.  I want to create more time for me to write, get myself into the habit of blogging and writing something everyday, network my talent and skill, and then make big mah-nay writing articles and publishing my novels/short stories. Here's a list of the things I want to accomplish by the new year: 

1)Quit my current job at the office, and work shorter, more flexible days at my parent's restaurant for about the same pay.

2)Write thought out articles on this blog--in between my random musings.

3)Create another blog, my niche blog, that will become a showcase of my writing ability on a specific subject.

4)Change my business cards and email signatures to include the URL of my niche blog.

That's really not too much to ask with a month deadline. Especially since my first task is already halfway done. I'll be spending a ton of time on various freelance websites to help me build my portfolio and for motivation. And while I'm at it, I will also look through other blogs to begin networking.

These are my current short term plans. No backups required. Wish me luck!

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~