Day 2!

Movie Review:

Okay, show of hands: Who actually saw the movie D.E.B.S.? Better yet, who here has heard of the movie?

That’s what I thought.

D.E.B.S., a satirical romance comedy based around a group of trained, hot, post-high school super-spies, is one of those off-the-radar, pseudo-cult films. To be truly honest, unless you like gay romance plots, or Michael Clarke Duncan, you probably wouldn’t have run into it.

The story takes place in a secret school that trains young women to be kickass spies. It’s like Charlie’s Angels in Catholic schoolgirl uniforms (Yes, they go on missions in these outfits too. Don’t ask me where they hide the guns.). On a surveillance mission gone awry, the star pupil of the school runs into one of the most dangerous criminals of the time, and the two hit it off... sorta. The story takes off from there with a little bit of cat of mouse, a dose of self-realization, and a teeny bit of acceptance. All to a pretty cool soundtrack. Especially this song.

When you look at the big picture, the film is totally cheesy and unrealistic, and for the most part, this is intentional. The reason I enjoy this film so much is because it reminds me (and other women, I’m sure) of my youth, when I had my imaginary spy missions, and foes to defeat. The romance aspect is cute, as well: a girl finding something out about herself, and risking everything for happiness.

LGBT film fans, put the movie on the shelf with Better Than Chocolate, Saving Face, The Incredibly True Adventure of 2 Girls in Love. It’s good for the days you want some lighthearted fun with your lesbian romance; it doesn’t all have to be about overcoming will-crushing adversity.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Day/Blog Post #1

All right, so I ran into an unexpected 'no internet access for a few days' snag there, but things are back to normal! So today is officially Day one of my 30 Day Writing Challenge. Here's the first post I wrote up, but couldn't get on here:

About two months ago, I had a major panic attack. Since then, I have been having trouble sleeping. While I have managed to get the other panicky symptoms under relative control, this one seems to be a lingering black cloud over my head. I find myself too tense to just lay down at bedtime and drift off to sleep. My mind constantly races over various worries, like:

-What was that rumbling sound? (I live right next to the train)

-Why is Gretchen meowing? Does she know something I don’t?

-My breathing seems louder...am I sick?

-My hip hurts sleeping on this couch. Do I have a bone disease?

-Why is that train so loud? (I live right next to the train)

-What if a plane hits my building?

-What if I don’t wake up?

-I just took a deep breath. Why?

-Is that a cancerous bump/mole/scratch/itch?

-Did I lock the door?

-Will this place burn down?

-Why am I thinking these things? Am I foreshadowing a huge disaster/cataclysm?

So, to offset that, I turn on the TV to cartoons and read webcomics until my eyes can no longer stay open. This is normally around 2 or 3 a.m., and then I have to get up around 6:15 for work. I feel like a zombie, I’m out of sorts all day, and the same thing happens when I get home. Rinse and repeat.

I read somewhere that the lights from computer screens trick your brain into staying awake so, ultimately, that doesn’t help me fall asleep. The television doesn’t really affect me, but I wonder if the depth of my sleep is influenced by the constant (although quite low) audio. I’ll have to look that up.

I mean, I love the idea of unwinding after work with a good show and a good comic (or six), but not to the point where I share a bed (read: couch) with my laptop. So I would like to try out a few different remedies for more successful sleep--and hopefully, sleep that begins Before Midnight.

Note: Keep in mind, there are nights where I get good sleep-- with my boyfriend. Normally, when I stay with him, I can fall asleep to some music, or nod off while we watch a show, and be fine. But we don’t live together; and “a good night’s sleep” is not good enough reason to convince my guy to consider cohabitation.

So my goal here is: Good sleep, by myself, without the aid of numerous electronic appliances running all night (My electricity is included in rent, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be aware of my energy consumption).

A few remedies I am considering:

~Chamomile Tea

~Meditation Before Bed

~Carby Dinner (Think pasta)

~Reading a book (one you hold in your hands, with pages)

~Listening to music (Better than the visual stimulation)

The hardest part of this whole thing will be actually getting myself to try these. The last thing I want to do is trigger some kind of discomfort by straying from my normal routine. Let's see what happens.

But tell me: What are your pre-bedtime habits? Are they good? Bad? Have any ideas to help me get better sleep?

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

'Get off your lazy ass and put your pen to paper' Writing Challenge!

Actually, I don't even have to get off my lazy ass to do this.

I'm starting something of a Writing Challenge to jump-start my inspiration--or rather, keep the momentum going. Recently, I began writing again (after about 3 months of nothing.), and I'm so excited about it, I'm afraid I'll lose steam.

Well, I intend to prevent that from happening. I bet writing is in the Top Ten list of 'Things Most People fail to Stick with'. Right with Exercise, Healthy eating and Underwater Basket-weaving.

I started this blog a while ago, and would really love to put it to readable, enjoyable use. I need to get back into the habit of writing every day, even if it's about nothing at all. So I'll start this challenge off small.

30 Day Challenge:

-Create a writing 'ritual' to do before each writing session.

-Write a portion of my story every day

-Update this blog every day.

This is very open-ended. No word minimums (yet), and the blog can be about whatever I want it to be. The ritual is just my own little thing. I want to create a safe place for my writing, be it through the revamping of my current desk space, a little meditation beforehand, boiling the bones of a pigeon...

Before I truly begin this, today I will create a tentative outline of the story I started (by the seat of my pants), to try and prevent any possible dead ends. But consider this blog as Day One of the Challenge.

Anyone wanna join in? You can do this one, or any challenge you come up with, but at least we can hold each other accountable.

So ready for this.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

BLOG REVAMP!

Yay! Changes coming soon! Nothing big, but you might see more words up here... and stuff. And I have a Twitter account now! I have no idea why I got that!

Coming soon:

Cheesy fight scenes

Really good movies/books

Really bad artwork

He-Man/She-Ra Reflections.

Stay tuned, dear reader. Because I know there's only one of you out there.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Windy City Enlightenment Part...um...

Uh...

Shit, guys.

Visualize with me a moment: A young woman, sitting in the center of a red room. All around her are miniature storms, thundering loudly, raining wildly, bumping into one another, but maintaining their strength. The wind is whipping her hair, destroying the objects in the red room. A lamp crashes to the floor. The bookshelf tilts to the right, against the television. Pieces of cushion are being ripped from the couch and futon, swirling in the mess of the mini storms.

Within these storms are aspirations, ideas, fears, roads less traveled--and they're fighting with one another, trying to win the woman over, this woman who is staying still, seated in the center of her red room, whipping hair, torn clothing and all. The world around her is falling apart, and she remains there, unmoved.

The question is... does she continue to stay still, and allow this destruction to continue while the storms brew, become stronger? She does love the chaos.

Or should she get up, and attempt to make something out of this torrential predicament? These storms are fighting with one another, but they all share something...

Her.

Perhaps she should use this knowledge and accept that each and every one of these storms is a part of her, take them in, and learn to work with them. It's one thing to watch a part of yourself go wild and take over, but it is quite another to control it, to dictate its direction, its strength, its affect on yourself and those around you.

It is time to take this mess, and bring it within. Only there can I learn to understand and manage its potential to be something beneficial, something beautiful.

Anyone who knows me, knows that my interests vary, and it makes it hard for me to make decisions when it comes to how I want to make money, how I want to be happy. In the past, I have seen it as a burden (as have others), continuing to feel frustration with my inability to be happy with any move I make. I cannot do that any longer, because the wide array of interests I have make me who I am, and without that, I could never be the well-rounded individual that I am now. What I can do, is attempt to apply a little more logic to my interests-- what is worth the traditional education? What can I learn on my own? What are other ways for me to learn than merely taking a class or reading a book? How can I experience other interests and aspirations of mine that would satisfy my need to learn about everything?

It's possible that I am just not going to have a Bachelor's, Master's or PhD. And let's face it; my need for those was strongly based on values placed upon me as a child--which I do not regret in the least, and I will be forever grateful to my parents for instilling in me the aspiration to be the best I can be.

I'm tired of people cringing at the thought of me NOT becoming some corporate professional whats-her-face. I'm a fucking ARTIST. A Musician, a Writer, Performer, you name it--if it's an art, I have either tried it, am about to try it, or am currently doing it. So when it comes to career paths, and how I make money, it will not be as conventional as some may hope. And I probably won't live above the Starving Artist line for a long time.

And if you're tired of me expressing another interest of mine, another aspiration, another way of thought, another path, well...

Deal.

This blog post is a message of self-acceptance.

This has been another installment of the Windy City Enlightenment Series.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

Fourth (Fifth?) Time's a Charm!

Moved in, Kitty-fied, Working, Singing, Burlesque-ing, Writing.

And now it's time to go back to school.

Again.

I mean it this time. Don't laugh. Don't roll your eyes. I've got it figured out.

So while I work on my next Burlesque show and pending Number One Hit Single on the Pop/R&B/Trip Hop/Disco(?) charts, I have to continue my dream of becoming a Sexy Librarian. Yes, it is still a goal of mine, so now, I am hunting for local schools (Northeastern, UIC, maybe?) to obtain my major in English, and my minor in... Art History? It's the one sticking out at me. And then it's on to Grad school! For a Master's in Library Science!

Goddess, I am such a nerd. Envy me.

In other news... the webcomic is still going. I'd like to at least have a web host figured out by the end of a August, and as for panels... keep you posted.

I'm writing a new story, in the realm of uh... Drawing room comedy, I suppose? Look up the definition. I don't understand why I didn't go this route before. Although, I feel like my dreamer eyes will soon pop out of my head and I'll want to make it into a short film, or something. But right now, just words.

I'm racing against the clock writing this post (I have 4 minutes and 25 secs to go. No. 16.), so let's keep it brief for now.

Hey, have you checked out my songs yet? You know, the ones on Facebook? And Soundclick? And MySpace?

Until next time (which will be sooner than 4 months from now),

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~

When in doubt, Get Distracted!

By everything else possible.

This is what writers do best. We get distracted, and procrastinate until backed into a corner. We'd rather clean the spaces in the bathroom tiles than come up with a new story idea, or continue with one that's already there.

Or maybe it's just me.

I'm trying to get settled into this whole 'full time job', '1.5 hour commute each way', 'why do I have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn', 'dammit, it's time to go to bed' lifestyle. Managing my time is about as easy as chewing tinfoil (try it; it's not fun. Nor is it easy.), and I just don't feel like micromanaging myself.

But if I ever want to write again, it's something I'll have to do.

On the upside, I've been finding more balance within myself when it comes to 'inner peace,' and that connection between mind and body. I've also been expanding the social circle at an increasing speed and it has helped me to learn some things about myself, this city, how I see other people. And who knows? Maybe that's more important for me before I can get back into my old grooves.

Or maybe I'm carving out some new grooves to follow... in which case, patience is key.

All I know, is that my quality of sleep has been terrible. Either I stop breathing as I fall asleep, or I anxiously wake myself up, neither of which are good. So my health (physical and mental) has been taking precedence lately. Perhaps writing can be part of the healing process...perhaps music, or painting, or dancing. Or singing? I don't know.

Or maybe I need therapy.

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~